Tuesday, March 29, 2011


...and trying to decipher the big questions.

I'm not one with the world today.

Yesterday was a great day. It consisted of a wedding dress fitting, a visit to my son's new home, 
and a quiet drive down Lake Shore Drive at twilight. 

My mind was elsewhere.

Today should be good too...taste testing the wedding fare, hugging TeacherGirl and Bryan, 
and yet another scenic route. But my mind is full of thoughts of Lisa.

Lisa's battle continues. Her cancer keeps blazing an ugly trail no matter how much she fights, 
and prays, and fights some more.

And my mind is full of thoughts of my brother. 
He was close to Lisa's age when he lost his battle. 
It was a dark time and my solution was hiding under the covers while my toddlers banged at my locked bedroom door.
I remember the fog I carried with me. It wasn't pretty.
BigDaddy kept our nest going, and I ignored the sticky faces that needed kisses.
Not pretty at all. 

That's me...I hide. But I can't now.
There's things that need to be done, places I need to go, appointments I need to keep. 
And knowing Lisa, she'd be horrified if I spent time worrying about her rather than tasting brie wrapped in phyllo. 
That's Lisa.

So Lisa...if you're reading this, know that I see your face when I'm driving.
Every thought I have has you in it. 
I'd turn my car around in an instant if you wanted to see me. You know I'm the queen of illegal u-turns. 
You know I don't care about staying inside the lines. You know I love you like a sister.
You know me, and I'm thankful.

And Maggie...if you're reading this, know that I am super excited about your wedding...unbelievably grateful 
that you've found Bryan....and I am your biggest fan.
I do love your pink shoes.

It's just that life seldom cooperates.
And that lesson is a tough one, even for your mother. 

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